The holidays can bring excitement, familiar traditions and opportunities to connect. For children and youth in foster care, they may also bring sadness, uncertainty or reminders of people they miss.
Foster caregivers can make space for these different experiences by listening, offering choices and planning celebrations around the child’s needs. The goal is to help each child feel included, respected and free to express how they feel.
Ask what the holidays mean to them
Before planning activities, ask which celebrations, foods or traditions matter to the child. Avoid assuming they celebrate the same holidays as your household—or want to celebrate at all.
Try a gentle question such as, “Is there something you usually do at this time of year that you would like us to know about?”
A familiar meal, song or activity might be welcome. Other traditions may feel difficult. Let the child guide what they want to share, without pressing for personal details.
Make room for mixed feelings
A child can enjoy an activity and still miss their family. They may feel excited one day and quiet the next.
Listen without trying to turn every feeling into a positive one. You might say, “You can enjoy being here and still miss someone.”
Avoid expecting a particular reaction to gifts, decorations or special outings. Give children room to respond in their own way, without pressure to appear happy or grateful.
Explain plans and offer choices
Talk through upcoming gatherings in advance: who will attend, what will happen and roughly how long you expect to stay.
Where possible, offer manageable choices. Would they prefer to help prepare food or choose music? Would a shorter visit feel more comfortable? Where could they take a quiet break?
Keep familiar routines where practical, and leave some unscheduled time between activities. A simple evening at home can be just as meaningful as a busy celebration.
Respect important relationships
Children do not leave their family connections, culture or identity behind when they enter foster care.
Speak respectfully about the people who matter to them. Work with the child’s team to understand how holiday contact and meaningful traditions can be supported within their care plan.
A card, familiar recipe or planned conversation may be appropriate, depending on the child’s wishes and arrangements. Confirm plans with the team before making promises about visits or contact.
Prepare guests and protect privacy
Before a gathering, remind guests to offer a friendly welcome without asking personal questions about the child’s circumstances.
Children should not have to explain their history at the dinner table or accept hugs to be polite. A wave or a simple hello can be enough.
Follow agency guidance about photographs and social media. Ask the child about their comfort, while remembering that their agreement does not replace any required permissions.
Stay connected with the child’s team
If you are unsure how to approach a celebration, a family connection or a change in plans, ask the child’s team for guidance.
Share questions early so there is time to prepare together. You do not need to work through every challenge alone.
Frequently asked questions
Should children in foster care join every holiday activity?
Invite them to participate and explain what to expect. Offer flexibility where possible, rather than requiring enthusiasm or participation in every activity.
What if a child misses their family during a celebration?
Acknowledge their feelings and listen. Avoid suggesting that enjoying your celebration means they should stop feeling sad or missing someone.
Can we include traditions from the child’s family?
Ask what matters to them and work with their team where needed. Familiar traditions can be included alongside your household’s customs without expecting the child to replace their own.
Interested in becoming a foster caregiver?
Thoughtful care includes everyday moments of listening, learning and making room for a child’s individual needs.
If you would like to explore becoming a foster caregiver, contact Satori to ask questions and learn more.
Phone: 519-265-4630
Email: admin@satorifoster.com
